Compartmentalization is an incredible tool that helps survivors use strategy rather than emotion on the battlefield. 

A high conflict divorce or child custody battle can take up all of your mental and emotional space very easily - without you even realizing it.

The sheer amount of time it takes to document, meet with attorneys, go to court dates, and gather necessary documents can literally feel like a part to full-time job. 

So how can survivors create a system where they are able to experience a degree of peace, health, and even joy while on the battlefield?

“We love both of you.” Here’s why the “neutral” mutual friend isn’t going to work out when you’re divorcing a narcissist.

Here’s the sad truth: “mutual friends” are not really friends. Not when your ex is abusive. 

Too often in high conflict divorce/child custody battles, mutual friends hesitate to “take sides” in an effort to maintain the relationship with both parties. In a non-high conflict divorce scenario this may be a healthy stance, but in a high conflict scenario this is inappropriate and alienating to the victim.

I was young when I married a narcissistic abuser and I got pregnant with my first child very quickly. 

The first acts of violence happened before I got pregnant, but it got worse after the baby was born. But the narcissist always knew how to put it back on me. He grabbed my arm too tightly and held on too long because I was acting “irrational” (I wanted to go to the grocery store and asked him to take care of the baby). He punched the wall and broke off dry wall right next to my face (because I said no to sex). He bucked me off of him when he was tickling me violently, and my face smashed against the carpet, ripping a bunch of skin off (we were just playing!).

It wasn’t until years later that I gained the courage to even begin looking into what was happening to me. Learning that I was experiencing emotional abuse, sexual coercion, financial sabotage, and gaslighting first made me think I could fix it if I just explained it to him well enough. But as I’m sure everyone reading this knows, it honestly just made it worse.

Divorcing a narcissist is no easy feat for most survivors.

Societally, it’s generally accepted that abuse ends at separation. But the truth is that when you leave a narcissist, the narcissist’s drive to have power and control over you doesn’t go away. They just have to exert new tactics in order to maintain the control they feel entitled to.

This is known as post separation abuse and the reality is that it can be as intense, and sometimes more intense than the abuse survivors endure in a marriage.

Many survivors experience stress when their high conflict divorce begins to negatively impact their work. Whether it’s the stress of the high conflict divorce, sabotage efforts by the narcissist, or time and energy requirements by your attorney or legal team that are infringing on work time, it’s very common for survivors to feel that their job is suffering due to a high conflict divorce. 

When you’ve experienced narcissistic abuse, it’s important to tend to your mental health early and often. 

 In the midst of a high conflict divorce or custody battle, life can feel overwhelmingly stressful. It’s important to intentionally set aside time to tend to your mental health.

Many narcissistic abuse survivors find journaling to be helpful. The following prompts are intended to help survivors tap into their resilience, inner strength, and power.

If you’re asking, “is my husband a covert narcissist?” It's important to get familiar with the signs so you can begin protecting yourself now.

If you’re here, you’re wondering if your spouse is a covert narcissist. It can be difficult to identify a narcissist in your marriage - but covert narcissism is even less easily identifiable.

Too often, narcissistic abusers are careless, or even calculated, in exposing children to mature content, pornographic content, or disturbing video games that leave children confused and traumatized.

If you’re divorcing a narcissist, brace yourself (if it’s not already underway) for a smear campaign that could reach your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, employers. But don’t despair, because many survivors have experienced and gotten through the narcissist’s smear campaign with their dignity intact. Here’s what you need to know. 

Learn one important practice to stay grounded as you experience the trauma of divorcing a narcissist.

 Most of us come onto the battlefield saddled with a great deal of trauma from our marriages. 

Then, entering the family court system, intense stressors and traumas can come at us from all angles. As we work toward a strategic mindset, it’s important to establish practices to acknowledge and work through our painful emotions in safe spaces.

The court orders are clear. There is absolutely no excuse for the narcissist to violate them - and yet over and over again there are clear violations.

And every time you try to get someone - anyone - to hold the narcissist accountable so that the violations will stop - nothing happens. And the narcissist just gets more confident and the feelings of invincibility grow.

This is one dirty (but predictable) trick in the narcissist’s playbook. 

Just like the narcissistic abuser found ways to control and manipulate you financially during the marriage, they can’t help but try to do so post-separation.

Often, the most effective way they can exercise financial power and control over a victim post-separation, is to simply remove the victim’s ability to access finances.

If you are like many protective parents, you entered into the world of coparenting hoping that things would get better post-separation. But then the reality of post-separation abuse hit you like a brick wall.

If you’re battling to protect your child in the family court system, it’s important that you understand how essential it is to operate from a place of strategy rather than emotion.

Has your attorney gone radio silent during your high conflict divorce or child custody battle? When you’re battling against a narcissist in family court, the last thing you need is an unresponsive attorney.

The child custody battlefield can be a lonely, overwhelming place. A powerful step in strengthening yourself can be found in enlisting the support of a Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach.

If you’re in a high conflict divorce or custody battle, it’s essential that all of your communication with the high conflict individual is strategic rather than emotional.

Family court litigation abuse is just another facet of post separation abuse. Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches understand this dynamic and can help.

You’ve determined that divorcing your narcissistic spouse is your best option - but many folks get stuck when trying to determine the “right” timeline.

One of the most common ways that narcissistic individuals impose abusive, controlling behavior post separation, is by withholding medical care consent.