My Narcissistic Ex is Ruining My Reputation - What Should I Do?
When you’re divorcing a narcissist, you can expect a nasty smear campaign. 3 must-knows for anyone on this journey.
If you’re divorcing a narcissist, brace yourself (if it’s not already underway) for a smear campaign that could reach your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, employers. But don’t despair, because many survivors have experienced and gotten through the narcissist’s smear campaign with their dignity intact. Here’s what you need to know.
The Smear Campaign Started a Long Time Ago
The narcissist probably started the smear campaign long before you decided to leave. Planting subtle seeds (regardless of truth or accuracy) about your character, behavior, or family history in the minds of mutual family and friends set the narcissist’s campaign up perfectly for a massive launch the moment the narcissist decided on a full-blown attack.
Accepting this can help you realize that there is very little you can (or should) do to change the minds of the abuser’s enablers. The seeds were intentionally planted, long ago.
The Narcissist is Using “Flying Monkeys” to Do Their Bidding
The narcissist’s enablers - family, friends, coworkers, and romantic partners - also called “flying monkeys” - are helping the narcissist with the smear campaign.
But they might not know it.
The narcissist uses outright lies, manipulation, guilt-tripping, and other abusive tactics to exert power and control over their enablers - with the intent that they will do the heavy lifting of the smear campaign.
Meaning that family and friends who are gossiping about you, spreading lies, and harming your reputation are simply doing the abuser’s bidding (but they might think they’re just defending their loved one).
The Narcissist Wants You to Defend Yourself Against the Smear Campaign
One of the main goals of a narcissistic abuser launching a smear campaign, is to incite a reaction from the victim.
Public, emotional reactions are the cherry on top - but they will enjoy any kind of interaction where the victim acknowledges the campaign and how painful and inaccurate it is.
Smear campaigns can have devastating psychological, legal, and even physical impacts on victims, it’s important to remember to protect yourself if you are in the midst of a campaign by:
Avoiding any kind of defensive communication with the narcissist and their enablers;
Sending any and all documentation regarding the campaign to your attorney;
Documenting all attempts to harass, stalk, or threaten you;
NOT posting about the campaign on social media or in a public forum;
Speaking to an attorney or victim advocate regarding your legal rights.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches can help you work through the intense emotions that come up when you are at the center of a narcissist’s smear campaign - while developing proactive strategy to get through it.
