Is My Husband a Covert Narcissist? 3 Signs

If you’re asking, “is my husband a covert narcissist?” It's important to get familiar with the signs so you can begin protecting yourself now.

If you’re here, you’re wondering if your spouse is a covert narcissist. It can be difficult to identify a narcissist in your marriage - but covert narcissism is even less easily identifiable.

Why? Because covert narcissism is thickly disguised as victimhood, passive-aggression, and sensitivity. 

3 Signs Your Husband May Be a Covert Narcissist

Narcissism includes consistent personality traits like a lack of empathy, sense of grandiosity, and a sense of entitlement. Covert narcissistic personalities are no different. Here are three signs your husband may be a covert narcissist:

A Covert Narcissist’s Lack of Empathy

A lack of empathy is consistent with all narcissistic personality types. With a covert narcissist, they may present as empathetic in social situations and even in the relationship. The lack of empathy may show up as a sense of superiority in the relationship - as if they know you better than you know yourself. Rather than simply dismissing your emotions, they may use soft-spoken, logical arguments to confuse you or minimize your feelings. 

Sense of Superiority for a Covert Narcissist

Covert narcissists, like all narcissistic personality types, have a sense of superiority to others.

They may align themselves with organizations, like religious groups, where they are at the top of the hierarchical structure in order to have outward authority. This supports their belief that they are superior. 

They may quietly and politely (but condescendingly) dismiss your opinions and thoughts, or make unilateral decisions for the family.

When they don’t receive a promotion or are publicly passed over in some other way, the covert narcissist won’t react publicly, but will have a narcissistic meltdown at home. 

Covert Narcissists Use Passive-Aggression to Control

One important trait of the covert narcissist, is the tendency to avoid direct conflict and use passive-aggression to control others.

In the home environment, this looks like using weaponized incompetence, the silent treatment, sarcasm, spiritual abuse, and gaslighting to deliberately keep victims confused and focused on the narcissist.

I Think My Husband is a Covert Narcissist… Now What?

If you’re worried that you are married to a covert narcissist and feel that it’s time to consider options for leaving, know that you’re not alone.

Many, many people get married believing that they have found an incredible person to share their life with, only to realize that they were duped.

Please have compassion for yourself and seek support. We encourage you to Google, "Dr. Ramani" and follow her YouTube channel and network. She is a wealth of information on this topic.

Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are professionally trained to help narcissistic abuse survivors understand what’s happening to them, and establish step-by-step plans to get to safety. 

Find your coach here.