Using Compartmentalization in your High Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Battle
Compartmentalization is an incredible tool that helps survivors use strategy rather than emotion on the battlefield.
A high conflict divorce or child custody battle can take up all of your mental and emotional space very easily - without you even realizing it.
The sheer amount of time it takes to document, meet with attorneys, go to court dates, and gather necessary documents can literally feel like a part to full-time job.
So how can survivors create a system where they are able to experience a degree of peace, health, and even joy while on the battlefield?
Compartmentalization: 4 Steps to Sanity While Divorcing a Narcissist
One of the best tools for creating a system for sanity while divorcing a narcissist or fighting for custody, is compartmentalization, or categorizing your thoughts, then strategically choosing set times to work through and accomplish tasks for each category. Here are some steps to help you develop this skill:
Write. Whether it’s a physical pen and paper or an app on a tablet or phone, make sure you have something you can record your thoughts on.
Determine categories for your thoughts and to-do’s:
Some ideas would be “Documentation”, “Court”, “Emotional Wellbeing”, “Children’s appointments”, “Finances,” etc.
When an urgent thought arises, whether it’s an abusive episode that needs to be documented, an appointment that needs to be made, an email you need to send to your attorney, or a lingering concern that you don’t have an answer to, write it out under the correct category.
Determine a day and time each week to address each category and do your best to take action steps to either resolve or work toward resolution.
Step 4 is generally the most difficult to follow through on. Resolution is not often found quickly in the family court system - so we have to change our mindset from defining resolution as a fully finished “product”, to “moving in some kind of direction.”
In essence, giving ourselves a whole lot of grace.
Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are trained to help survivors of narcissistic abuse develop systems and strategies with empowerment and confidence. Find your coach today.
