My Narcissistic Ex Exposed Our Child to Explicit Content
Too often, narcissistic abusers are careless, or even calculated, in exposing children to mature content, pornographic content, or disturbing video games that leave children confused and traumatized.
In a healthy coparenting relationship, a heart-to-heart talk with the other parent would suffice. “Hey, when you let our child use your laptop, the first images on the screen were deeply disturbing to them - and now they will need therapeutic support in order to heal. Could you please NOT do that again?”
“Oh, sure. I’m sorry. I take accountability for my actions and will make sure I get the support I need to be a healthy adult moving forward.”
But the narcissist isn’t rational… nor are they healthy.
And if you try to have a healthy conversation with them, it will likely result in:
Gaslighting (that never happened, and if it did, it wasn’t that bad, and if it was, it’s our child’s fault for being x)
Manipulation (how did you even find out about this? Why are you grilling our child about their time with me? That does more damage than any dumb image ever could!)
Blame-shifting (I know plenty of unhealthy things you’ve exposed our kid to, but I don’t bring them up because I don’t want to micromanage you!)
If My Narcissistic Ex Exposes Our Child to Inappropriate Content, Should I Go the Legal Route?
Knowing that a healthy conversation is not a likely possibility, you might wonder if it would make sense to file a motion against your ex to try to hold them accountable, or to seek support for your children.
However, remember that family court professionals generally do not view emotional, psychological, and mental abuse and neglect as reasons for the court system to intervene. Common sense would lead us to believe that the courts would jump in and protect children in these situations but that is rarely the case. There are many variables that go into the decision of whether or not to file with the courts and an attorney should guide you.
Sometimes when court professionals minimize a situation like this, it can embolden the abuser to continue harming the child, because they feel that they are invincible, even when litigated for their actions. This is where filing a motion could actually backfire on someone.
How Do I Advocate For My Children When My Narcissistic Ex Exposes Them to Inappropriate Content?
Understanding that a rational discussion is not likely to result in anything productive, and that the family court system generally doesn’t intervene in situations like these, it’s important to know that you still have power.
In this situation, many protective parents find that learning tools to teach their children how to advocate for themselves in safe, effective ways is life-saving.
Further, you will need to document everything, including how the exposures affect your child.
Finally, learning how to strategically communicate with the narcissist can help you both build your case by lighting up the abuser’s harmful patterns so that when you do go back to family court, you are presenting the whole picture, documented with full patterns of behavior that indicate an unwillingness to act in the best interest of the child.
Your Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach can help you develop tools for teaching your children how to advocate for themselves safely and with confidence, establish an effective documentation system, and learn how to speak the language of the narcissist and communicate with strategy rather than emotion.
