Divorcing a Narcissist: Three Universal Truths
When you’re divorcing a narcissist, it’s important to understand that there are consistent commonalities that most victims will face - here are three universal truths that may help you better prepare for the realities of a high conflict divorce or child custody case.
Divorcing a Narcissist Can Drain You In Every Way
Post-separation abuse is a reality that few legal professionals really understand - which is extremely unfortunate, because post-separation abuse is a serious issue.
When divorcing a narcissist or high conflict individual, be prepared to feel and experience a major “drain” - in every way possible:
Emotional
Physical
Financial
Spiritual
Relational
The narcissistic individual knows how to make you feel exhausted, depressed, fearful, hopeless, and isolated from family and friends. They will also likely do all they can to drain your financial resources.
Understanding this reality, you can fortify yourself preemptively with intense self-care, a strong support team, and the power of knowledge regarding trauma, abuse, and the family court system. The more you know and the more support you have, the less power the narcissist has to drain you.
“I Knew It Was Going to Be Ugly… I Never Thought It Would Get This Ugly.”
Heartbreak and grief. Two emotions that many folks in our community don’t expect to experience when in the throes of the family court system with someone who is truly trying to do all they can to destroy them - and yet!
When the narcissist begins throwing the lowest of low blows, publicly accusing you of:
Poor or abusive parenting;
Substance abuse and addiction;
Mental illnesses or disorders;
Health conditions that you do not have;
Associations with family members or other people who have criminal backgrounds;
While many times, it is absolute projection but regardless, it can feel like the ultimate betrayal. At one point, you trusted this person. You may have even loved them deeply. And now, they’re projecting their shortcomings onto you or exposing your most private information, embellishing it to put you in the worst light possible, and not to mention, trying to publicly humiliate you.
Many folks in our community stress that while they knew it would likely get very ugly, they had no idea it would get this bad.
We recommend profiling the narcissist as soon as you can, so that you’re anticipating what they will do before they do it. That way, you’re ready to deal with the difficult emotions like grief, heartbreak, and betrayal without the added element of surprise.
The Lowest of Lows, The Highest of Highs
Be prepared to experience the “lowest of lows”. Give yourself grace as you navigate sleepless nights, days fraught with anxiety and worry, and the ups and downs of parenting during a high conflict custody battle.
But know that you may also experience the “highest of highs” like so many other victims of high conflict individuals as you discover your own resilience, strength, and grit. For many of us, the highest of the high often comes in the form of empowerment, validation or a win (the family court system getting it right and protecting our child(ren)).
It’s a privilege and a joy to observe and walk with many, many survivors who endure high conflict custody battles and divorces, emerging with deeper compassion, deeper love and dedication to their children, and a new sense of purpose as they advocate for children and adults surviving abusive relationships.
Our Certified High Conflict Divorce Coaches are specifically trained to help you through “the thick of it” so that you too can emerge from the trauma as a stronger, more joyful, more purposeful version of yourself. If you are interested in connecting with a divorce coach from our program, we know they would love to hear from you.
