When You Feel Like You’re Doing Everything WRONG In Your High Conflict Divorce
Let’s be clear: family court systems around the globe are designed to make victims feel like they’re doing everything wrong. So let’s take a minute to set the record straight.
Practicing radical acceptance includes understanding that the justice system operates on an “innocent until proven guilty” premise.
Unfortunately for victims, this means that no matter how honest you are, you’ll probably feel like you’re under a microscope. You are under a microscope. No matter how authentic, careful, respectful, and meticulous you are, you’ll probably feel like a suspect. You are a suspect. And that’s really, really hard.
The fact is, the courts don't know either of you and the cards are often stacked against survivors of domestic abuse. The cherry on top is the reality that our courts are uneducated on victim and perpetrator behaviors so the family court system becomes a platform for the narcissist and the survivor is left flailing.
Divorcing a Narcissist? Here’s What You’re Doing Right.
It’s important to take stock of everything that you’re doing to protect your family, while also practicing strategy - let’s make a list:
You left the abuse - this in itself deserves a standing ovation.
You are here reading this - educating yourself is a huge step towards a successful outcome.
Following court orders to the best of your ability - that’s right.
Carefully and honestly documenting abusive interactions, even when it seems like no one cares or reads what you document - that’s right.
Not playing the narcissist’s games by reacting to their jabs, calling them names, or getting into any type of altercation - that’s right.
Meeting your children’s physical and emotional needs by validating them, feeding them nutritious meals, helping them get good amounts of rest, and trying to be present with them - that’s right.
Communicating honestly with your attorney - that’s right.
Working toward processing your difficult emotions in the right avenues (with a trauma-informed therapist, trusted friend, or even journaling) rather than taking them out in the courtroom or with the narcissist - that’s right.
The battlefield can be a lonely, confusing, and terrifying space. Please don’t try to navigate it alone. Your Certified High Conflict Divorce Coach will battle right alongside you, validating everything you do “right” and helping you course-correct when you (understandable) want to change things up to become more strategic, focused, and in-line with your highest self.
