Soul Choice Counseling: Helping Women Reconnect to Themselves During & After High-Conflict Divorce

Every month, we’re taking an inside look at the lives of two high-conflict divorce coaches (HCDCs). Whether you’re a prospective coach or client, we hope you’ll find inspiration and hope in each graduate’s story and personal reflections. 

This week, meet Alyse Rynor, LCSW: a recent graduate of the High-Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program (HCDCCP), and the seventh featured coach in our HCDC blog series.

From Personal Experience to Private Practice

As a therapist with 30 years of experience, Alyse approaches her work through a mindful, wellness-oriented lens. Her coaching style is shaped by years of psychological training and experience, as well as her personal story of hurt and healing. 

“At one point, I was in a marriage that didn't feel good to me,” she shared. “At the time, I didn't know about terms like narcissism, manipulation, gaslighting, or abuse. I knew something was very off, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It took many years of therapy for me to develop the courage to ask for a divorce. That's when I knew I wanted to help other women in my situation.”

Alyse came to this realization years before the HCDCCP, when she pursued a master’s degree in social work while simultaneously filing for divorce. The duality of these experiences shaped her focus as a therapist and enriched her connections with clients. 

After graduating, Alyse soon became a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. In 2007, she received certification as a Holistic Health Coach from the Institute of Integrative Nutrition in New York City. Knowing that narcissistic abuse caused many women to lose themselves, Alyse felt a passion toward helping them reconnect to their true selves.

Drawing from this educational background, Alyse integrates natural nutrition coaching with mindfulness practices, inner child healing, and other techniques that help women cultivate self-love and self-connection after the trauma of a high-conflict divorce. She is also a Certified Forest Therapy Guide and finds that by taking women on walks in nature, they feel less stressed while building up their immune functioning.

Understanding a Woman’s Path

From the beginning of her career, working with women felt like her “soul’s calling,” Alyse writes on her website. “Many times they’d walk out the door, then turn to say, ‘Thank you. You are the first therapist I've come across that truly understands.’" 

Fast forward to 2014, when Alyse found herself involved with a narcissistic man. Despite years of training and clinical experience, this relationship confused Alyse, yet it also enlightened her to the ubiquity of narcissistic abuse: a term that only started gaining traction around that time. 

As cultural awareness of narcissistic abuse grew, “I recognized that I was a victim of this dynamic,” Alyse reflected. “I read up on everything I could on the subject, attended professional seminars, and delved deep into this area. My counseling practice now had this focus, yet I struggled when it came to helping women navigate the challenges of a custody battle with a narcissist.”

The Value of High-Conflict Divorce Coaching

To refine her professional focus, Alyse opted to enroll in the HCDCCP: a decision that transformed her practice and capacity to support her clients in these areas. 

One of the biggest takeaways from the HCDCCP, Alyse said, was realizing that perhaps more than anything, “most clients feel frustrated with the legal system. They don’t feel understood.” In an attempt to document the behaviors of their high-conflict partner, many clients “print out lengthy threads of text messages – none of which the court professional has the time nor motivation to read,” Alyse observed.

For many women stuck in the family court system, this reality can be defeating. But as an HCDC and therapist, Alyse offers a protective layer of empathy, therapeutic knowledge, and court strategy. “I work with my clients to make their examples succinct, and I also educate them about common behaviors seen among high-conflict individuals, including narcissistic personality disorder and related diagnoses.” 

This education – and, in turn, empowerment – “is one of my favorite parts about serving as a divorce coach,” Alyse said. “It feels so good to empower my clients. It allows them to begin to return to themselves.”

Letting Go and Making Meaning

Today, Alyse integrates the strategic approach of divorce coaching with her personal story and foundations in social work. “Letting go of a relationship can be one of the more difficult things a person can face in their life,” she acknowledged – “and some people may be better at letting go than others. Lawyers can be wonderful in this area, but they like to focus on facts rather than emotions. Most clients don’t realize this.” 

As a divorce coach, Alyse must rely on the facts and information, but she also makes herself available to listen to the client when others cannot. “I don’t tell my clients the ‘best’ thing to do,” she clarified, “but I guide them toward finding their own answers.” Alyse finds immense meaning and value in her work; but outside of coaching and counseling, she is committed to connecting with friends, family, and herself.

Alyse has also rediscovered love. “I have a special someone in my life who treats me with kindness and respect. We’ve been together for five and a half years. I like to think that this relationship is the result of the hard work I’ve done on myself.” In addition to spending time with her partner, Alyse speaks with her children nearly every week, calls friends, and sets aside plenty of time to be in nature and sit with herself. 

Taking Care of Herself and Others

For Alyse, sitting down with a Netflix movie or a good book are vital acts of self-care. So are eating whole and organic foods and practicing morning yoga. Her self-care routine shifts with the seasons, as well as her mood. “In the summer after my workday ends, I might take a relaxing stroll while listening to an audiobook. Or, I might walk over to Lake Michigan just a few blocks away to watch the water and local wildlife.” 

From Alyse’s perspective as a woman, therapist, HCDC, and holistic health coach, “self-care is about taking time to nurture and nourish myself,” she summarized. Nourishment comes in the form of quality nutrition, of course. But for Alyse, that quiet time in the morning before she starts her day, when she reads through the morning news and solves a few word puzzles, is just as nourishing as her favorite green tea or healthy breakfast.

The key to self-care – and, perhaps more broadly, a healthy life – is setting aside time to rest, reflect, and bond with loved ones, both during and after the workday. “I like to tell my clients that the word ‘Selfish,’ with a capital ‘S,’ is very important,” Alyse said. “Without giving to ourselves first, it's so hard to give to anyone else.”

To learn more about Alyse and her psychotherapy and wellness coaching, please visit her website. In the meantime, stay tuned for our next featured HCDC later this month! We’re excited to share the incredible stories and integrative approaches of our graduates.