Tammy Adcock: Navigating the Waters of High-Conflict Divorce
Every month, we’re taking an inside look at the lives of two high-conflict divorce coaches (HCDCs). Whether you’re a prospective coach or client, we hope you’ll find inspiration and hope in each graduate’s story and personal reflections.
This week, meet Tammy Adcock: a recent graduate of the High Conflict Divorce Coach Certification Program (HCDCCP), and the sixth featured coach in our HCDC blog series.
Uncovering Her Path – and Accompanying Others
Tammy navigated her own high-conflict divorce and custody battle for over a decade. She represented herself in court and emerged from the experience informed and inspired to help other women with their own cases.
Before kids, a custody battle, and an entirely new career, Tammy sold books door to door to put herself through college. “It was an experience that taught me how to talk to anyone,” she reflected. She received her undergraduate degree in communication and later obtained her master’s degree in business management.
Tammy later worked as a college instructor for 11 years and a corrections officer for three years. Both roles were invaluable for developing communication skills and hands-on experience with women affected by domestic abuse and divorce.
“Divorce in and of itself is traumatic,” Tammy writes on her website. “Add another layer of trauma — domestic and legal abuse — and it becomes very difficult to maintain a healthy balance.”
To find her balance and help other women do the same, Tammy enrolled in the HCDCCP: a leap of faith that became one of the most important decisions in her life. Becoming a HCDC changed her life “in so many ways,” Tammy said. “I chose to become a divorce coach because I never wanted anyone to feel the loneliness I felt during a high-conflict divorce.”
Though Tammy largely navigated her own divorce on her own, she recognizes the role of her parents – “my greatest supporters,” she said – and her children, who inspire her to become a better version of herself every day.
From Hurt to Healing: A Personal Approach to Professional Coaching
Tammy’s desire to accompany other women defines her approach as a divorce coach, as well as a mother. “No one should go this journey alone,” she said. As the mother of three children, her goal is to help other mothers and women survive and thrive.
Every day, Tammy’s clients inspire her to transform past hurts into opportunities for healing. When asked to describe what it means to “make a difference” in the world, Tammy emphasized the importance of healing yourself, first – and then channeling that energy forward. “If you’ve healed,” she said, “I believe it’s your turn to lend a hand to the next person.”
Since graduating from the HCDCCP, some of Tammy’s most meaningful moments are ones of healing and reawakening. “Every woman I’ve worked with has come alive with their own ‘aha!’ moment. Being part of that moment is why I love what I do.”
For both herself and her clients, Tammy elevates self-care as a necessary part of healing and simply living in a chaotic, unpredictable world. “I have an autoimmune disorder called vitiligo which is associated with trauma, and I’ve chosen to share my experience with others to illustrate the importance of self-care,” she said.
For Tammy, self-care takes many forms, but might involve taking a bubble bath or watching a favorite show or movie. These small moments give her the energy she needs to show up for her clients, her children, and progress toward her personal and professional goals. “My long-term goals are to perform a public speaking of my story and finish the two books I’m writing,” Tammy shared.
Even as a Coach, the Learning Continues
To complement her personal knowledge, Tammy continues to educate herself about the family court system and divorce coaching.
She stays up to date on local court cases, noting the cases heard and types of motions filed. She also learns from several online speakers with expertise in narcissistic personality disorder and related conditions, and how these diagnoses affect families and individuals in the court system.
Most recently, Tammy was elected to the board of directors of the Mental Health Association of Nebraska. “Mental health is at the forefront of what we see in our work as divorce coaches,” Tammy said. “I’m super excited to give back to my community in this way.”
As Tammy balances personal projects and self-education with coaching and parenting, she keeps one piece of advice close to her heart: “It’s not about how you start. It’s how you finish.”
Naturally, Tammy started this journey as a younger, less certain version of herself. Yet through the course of her own divorce and career as a coach, she developed the wisdom to guide other women through high-conflict divorce, custody battles, and the complexities of romantic relationships.
If she could tell her younger self one thing, Tammy would remind herself to remain grounded in the present: “Don’t worry about the future,” she assured. “Take each day 24 hours at a time.” This advice is especially resonant for women fighting against the court system, which Tammy likens to an “unfamiliar maze”: one that she emerged from intact, and with tools to support herself and others.
There are many unknowns during a divorce, and Tammy recognizes there are more uncertainties ahead. But today, she has the knowledge, training, and support to navigate the future with grace and gratitude. “I’m grateful for those in my life that have been there for me on the toughest days of my own battle, and continue to cheer me on as I help other women,” she said.
For more information about Tammy and her coaching services, please visit her website. In the meantime, stay tuned for our next featured HCDC! We’re excited to share the incredible stories and advocacy work of our graduates.
