Attempting to Leave the Narcissist

by Alana Sharps

You were swept off your feet when you first met spending every possible moment with your new love. A fairytale story of everlasting love reminiscent of a Hallmark movie. You felt like you were the only person in the world for them…their soulmate.

However, suddenly things changed…

You began to be belittled and made to feel less than. You communicated the poor treatment to your partner and how it made you feel. Yet, your feelings were unheard and invalidated. Everything that went wrong in your partner’s life was your fault. The missed job promotion, ability to purchase their favorite car, or the forgotten orange juice your missed during your grocery trip. The once constant loving attention and focus on you disappeared as if you were an object just to be used and abused.

As time went on, the put-downs became unbearable, but you hung in there waiting to see a glimpse of the person you fell in love with. The person who made you feel so special that you couldn’t imagine finding that type of love again.

They have to be in there somewhere right?

The Truth Revealed or Behind the Mask

Little did you know that you were dealing with a skilled manipulator. A narcissist. Someone who spent their entire lives creating a non-existent image to lure people in. A charismatic persona that charmed everyone they met. Often perceived as the perfect friend or mate to the outside world, a narcissist is far from that. They keep their emotional and psychological abuse closeted behind closed doors.

You desperately tried to change yourself to appease your partner. Often to the detriment of your mental health and physical well-being. You began to question everything you said walking on eggshells to avoid the episodes of narcissitic rage. If you stopped doing this and started doing that, you told yourself over and over. If you fixed everything they complained about, you would see the person you met and fell in love with again. You so desperately needed to see that person again to prove to yourself, that you were not crazy.

However, that day never came. Your partner continued to complain about everything you did and didn’t do while raising the bar of satisfaction higher and higher. As you slowly seeped into depression and had enough, you attempted to leave.

But, your partner was not done with you. They needed you to feel good about themselves. They needed you to make them feel whole, wanted, and loved. Your needs didn’t matter, but theirs did. Therefore, they pulled you back in with promises of changing their behavior. They made you feel guilty for attempting to leave making you question your decision. They began love bombing you all over again as they did when you first started dating pulling you back into the vortex of the narcissistic abuse cycle.

You began to think … am I the crazy one?

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Author Alana Sharps is a Certified High Conflict Divorce and Child Custody Consultant. Author of Was It My Fault? Founder of SurThrive Tribe.